bzzzt!

Today was a sunny day. The sun hung high in the sky, and shone its brightest. Clouds were sparse and the sky was a blanket of blue hue. The sunlight reflecting off the concrete walls of the building was blinding, and the grass smelt… grassy. Extra grassy, if one’s to say.

I was waiting at the bus stop, after tutoring. There was this person, standing outside the shelter, in the hot sun. She seemed a little… mentally challenged (for you can always spot certain characteristics, like talking to oneself, gesturing animatedly at nothing at all etc). Suddenly, she came into the bus stop, approaching some people and extended her hand out too quickly, seemingly asking for something. She came towards me, and before i heard her question, i instinctively took a step back when i saw her hand swinging up towards me.

I heard her saying in mandarin, ” got ten cents twenty cents?” and spotted the one-dollar coin she had in her hand. All too late. That one second reflex action of mine, totally showed the ugly side of humanity, and how the so-called ’social norms’ had come to develop things like ’stereotypes’. And i, together with all the others who shunned her at the bus stop, had fallen into this trap. This ugly thing called society.

Today i was talking to some friends and i realised that some people do come into dentistry just because of the money. What puts me off was when i talk about ’serving the public’, the comment “what serving the public?!” was the reply i got.

Yy told me that some people might have misinterpreted the meaning of ’serving the public’ as ‘doing charity’ which means you have to lower your status and do something that might disadvantage yourself (monetary, time wise). But isn’t doing charity giving up part of yourself and spending the time and money willingly? But of cuz, that’s a digression.

Aren’t we supposed to provide affordable, quality health (or in our case, dental) care to the public? Are we going to go strictly by the price list tagged outside the door or at the reception area and if the person can’t afford the better of two forms of dental treatment (e.g. RCT vs extraction), we just have to give them something that will cause them more problems (which, in simpler terms, giving them the type of dental treatment you won’t want to give your parents)? Can we work for more discretion in providing treatments for the patients that come to us?

Yy then said that people might think that cheap dental services are ‘not good’. But i’m not asking for dentists to charge patients 10%, 20% or 50% cheaper on the dental services just based on that first visit. If a good doctor-patient relationship is being built, it wouldn’t hurt for the dentist to earn a couple of tens less from a patient that is not very well-off? It maintains the doctor-patient relationship, your compassion spreads by the word of mouth and you did not betray your conscience by giving the patients no other choice other than the cheaper alternative.

We are in a professional course, and we are going to embark in a professional career in a few years time. Dentists or in general, doctors, might seem to be the crème de la crème but ultimately, we really are serving the public. We’re just like the high class sewage cleaners, cleaning out the calculus underneath your gums; carpenters, waxing up and making your crowns and bridges and dentures; the person who goes around clearing out stagnant water and spraying the anti-mozzie thingy, clearing out your infected root canals and replacing it with GP points and antibacterial sealent. ETC ETC.

A healthcare practitioner needs to have compassion. If you want big money, please please please, just go to business or accountancy. There are a lot of people out there who are truly passionate about dentistry and helping others.

*****

Oh. And ql said that he want to help, just that he would help during his own free time and not while he’s working in the dental clinic. He would go to places where he can be sure that the people there confirm plus chop need his services and give them free dental services.

Yeah, i would like to do that too. But how many of us, after graduation, would be able to do that? Some people might be working long hours, and that leave them with precious little time that they can spend to bond with their family and friends. Furthermore, there are no organisations or projects that allow dentists to do so (or is there?). And dentists are not like doctors, we can’t just go to people who need our services with a stethoscope, thermometer, torchlight and ice-cream stick. And we can’t lug our dental chair everywhere we go. Ha, then it’ll be a very good excuse to use when we don’t feel like helping, in this case.

But bla. If i could have my way, have the time and capital on hand, i would like to set up those mobile dental clinics. Like the mobile dental buses we have in secondary schools. ^-^ Then we could travel to areas and provide dental treatments for people who are not capable of travelling or who can’t afford it. It would be on a fortnightly basis, or weekly basis, if there is enough manpower. But how would we ever filter out the people who need the dental treatment from those who don’t? Will we be biased towards the elderly and the children? What if people take advantage of it? And yy said that some dentists might be unhappy, cuz this kind of project will ’spoil market’. But we are treating people that won’t even go to dental clinics for treatments in the first place! We’ll only spoil market if people start coming from all over the island to take advantage, and knowing singaporeans, they would. But ah, it would be so ideal, to have mobile dental buses travelling islandwide. We’re literally serving the public. =D

*****

But i feel very upset that some people are in dentistry just for the money. I’m okay if you are willing to serve the public, and the money in it is just an incentive. But to be here just for the money… i don’t know. Hm.

The ‘winter’ season of Singapore. Brr. It just makes me want to curl up in bed and sleep the day away, or wrap myself in a jumper and let myself fall deep into the magical world created by sheer words. I don’t mind going for a run in this weather - wind blowing, leaves rustling and little animals scurrying into shelters for warmth. I want to stand in the drizzle (before it pours), with my face up towards the skies.

Not studying. Not mugging for the upcoming anat test.

I should be daydreaming, staring out at the starless red skies which are threatening to rain now. That will ensure a cooling night to sleep in. I should be lying in bed, listening to the growl of the thunder, and watch the room lights up as streaks of lightning flashes.

Not miserably trying to cram too much information into my brain.

I want to make sinfully sweet hot chocolate and listen to the radio playing a list of carefully chosen random songs. I want to be with my family, cooped up at home due to the heavy rain, watching tv and maybe, playing mahjong. I want to be with lymon, just… together. I want to be with my friends, wandering around the shopping malls or stuck at a starbucks cafe.

Not alone in the hostel.

It’s been raining these few days. I wish for more time to sit at one side of the street, watching people hurrying to their destination, getting out of the rain. Watching the traffic navigating their way through the sheets of water, splashing water as they pass.

Hm. I just want to sit and gaze and daydream, instead of busying myself with mundane stuffs.

Read this. At first sight, it might seem inspirational, motivating etc. (well, that’s the general opinion of the masses who read that)

Give some time and thoughts to that entry and you’ll realise, you wouldn’t want to be that girl OR that guy. You might want to be a combination of them both - y’know, a little of the girl and maybe more of that guy or vice versa. But not entirely one of each.

The girl is too much like you and me, just that it seemed rather displeasing on the eyes when put into such blunt words.

The guy could be somewhat the perfect person - focused, go-getter etc etc.

The girl knows what she wants, just that she couldn’t find the determination to get down to it.

The guy has so many things he wants to do, that he’s neglecting his health, abandoning the so-called social life that’s hiding in his closet and missing out on his loved one (though the entry made it sounds like he’s chasing his loved one, but in fact, she’s slipping away from him).

He… talks about whatever moves him… Or an interesting person he met on the street. Or the woman who, these days, is in his heart.

Like, face it man. Does he even have the time to walk on the street, to notice the strangers walking alongside him? How long has he not seen the woman he’s supposedly in love with?

Nothing to contemplate. Nothing to regret. Everything to look forward to.

He’ll think twice about whether discovering the new theory of gravity had indeed made his life more meaningful. He’ll regret not looking out of the window, enjoying the flowers swaying in the breeze, the bustling sounds of a city; asking the woman out for a movie, staying at home to cook; going on a cycling trip, snorkelling in the sea. Nothing to look forward to, really.

But that doesn’t mean his iternary ain’t good. Just that we needn’t be so extreme in life.

It’s all about balance, and sometimes, it’s the hardest thing to do - to stand firmly on two feet in life.

*****

I drank lemon green tea with pearls for four days in a row. =)

I glanced through the notes for tomorrow’s OD lecture, and now i finally understood why there’re coloured rings around some burs. Can’t believe i never bothered to ask the doctors about this. I’m too un-inquisitive, trained by the singapore education to just accept things as they are and not question. I should be like the me when i was young - ask lots of ‘why-s’ and ‘how-s’ till the adults get irritated.

Hm…

I saw the picture of the ideal home which PM lee had painted during his talk today (which is still ongoing). It’s nice, it’s ideal. It’s perfect, in some sense.

What makes it works would be the people, wouldn’t it? I think people in today’s society are becoming more reclusive ; unwilling to interact with neighbours. So all those fantastic floorplans and blueprints they have would be useless, if no one’s there to utilise them.

But then again, i’m in a PMS-y mood and maybe on some other day, i would find the future a bright one.

Anyway, i support PAP! yay!

When a person fails, that he/she will perform beyond their limit and soar way above the rest. For not everyone can handle failure, and not everyone can overcome it. To obnoxious people who think one cannot fail, then ultimately they had failed.

Let me fail, instead of moving smoothly through life. For through failure, then i can taste the real sweetness of success.

Life is only so short (yeah yeah, i know nothing’s longer than life itself, but y’know what i’m saying), i don’t want to waste my time burying myself into books and not trying out other stuffs.

So screw you, if you believe what i’m doing is wrong. I’m not afraid to fail.